yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
