First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you never un-have a 4some
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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