I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
