If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
