wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
