The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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