I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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