2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize