...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
