I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
