Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
