so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize