grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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