Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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