i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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