If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
