I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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