Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There r osticjed everywhere
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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