meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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