Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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