Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
