just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
