everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
