Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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