we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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