im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize