I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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