So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
