The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
