2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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