I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the raccoons are back...
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