i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
