i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
