I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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