i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
