Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
