At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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