that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
