Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize