so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
