the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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