i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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