My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
