I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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