I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
