i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
