You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
