Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
