I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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