I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
