No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
