How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
