can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
