i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
