I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this will be a night to untag.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
