I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
