she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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