Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
