My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
