I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
