It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
