Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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