do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
