she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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