and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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