Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
