Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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