thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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