I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
