woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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