my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
